


This is not your Mother's Snow White (or your grandmother's)

by Bishmonster



Series: Bastardized Fairytales [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Schneewittchen | Snow White (Fairy Tale)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blame loki, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Crossover, Darcy is Snow White, Embedded Images, Hand wavy magic, Hitting all the tropes, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Multi, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Thor Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is a Prince, metaphorically, seven little dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-06 14:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11038500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bishmonster/pseuds/Bishmonster
Summary: What happens when an author can't sleep and spent most of the night watching film theorists?  A crossover fic with Darcy Lewis as Snow White and Tony Stark is the prince nobody really saw coming.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I know, a little out there. But once it got in my head, it wouldn't budge. I spent two hours resisting and then I gave in.

"My queen, you have seen what will happen if you continue on this course of action. You will fail. She will defeat you, overthrow your rule, ruin your beauty. What has been seen cannot be unseen."

"What am I to do then Mirror?" She asked scathingly, "How am I to win?"

"There is another way..." the Mirror hesitated.

"Go on. Tell me then." She was having none of that.

"It requires heavy magic. And a blood sacrifice."

"Whose blood?" She demanded.

"You're very own, My Queen."

Taken aback and a little appalled, "My face...?" She touched her smooth cheek, the supple skin tinged with a hint of pink.

"Will remain intact." The Mirror assured her quickly. "Your power, unquestioned."

"Where do we find this magic?" She asked with new and fierce determination.

"There is a witch. She does not wish to be found. But I know where she hides, deep in the forest beneath the old willow. She weaves her stories and her loom." He paused before issuing a warning, "She will not willingly give you what you seek. There will be consequences."

"Will this rid me of that simpering brat?" She asked full of vitriol.

"Undoubtedly." Mirror replied.

"Then cease your prattling. Show me!" Her voice was raised with impatience and hard as nails.

A wind like none other rushed through the dungeon. The Mirror's frame rattled, the Queen's luxurious blonde hair whipped about her face. It somehow made her even more glorious to look upon, wild as the rose.

The mirror revealed a simple cottage, with blue shudders and a young woman seated outside, singing and weaving. She was pretty in that country kind of way. The Squirrels chattered about her, gathering nuts. A lone fawn lay lazily in the shade of the willow. An old gray warhorse grazed near a stream. The woman gasped audibly, turned on her stool and seemed to look right through the mirror at the Queen. Her eyes burned green fire. She mumbled strange words beneath her breath just as, at the same time the wind became a cycle. It knocked the Mirror heartily against the stone wall then abruptly ceased. The image lost. The mirror only showing a black void and smoke.

The Queen did not rage as she wished to. There was too much at stake to loose control. She raced up the stairs from the dungeon, not knowing why but fearing her plans were about to be foiled. She reached the main hall, scandalizing the maids as she lifted her full heavy skirts. The Queen was out of breath as she raced up the Tower, to the very top, to the attic bedroom of her late husbands only child. The girl, the Bane of her existence. The true heir and the true beauty, oh how she hated her.

She fumbled the lock with shaking hands then flung open the door just in time to feel the rushing wind of the dungeon and to see the witch grab the bright eyed little girls hand.

"No!" She screamed as they both disappeared with a pop of magic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The witch and Snow White get some new names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my head this story was less... dark?

"Why did you take me? Why did you bring me here?" The child spoke softly, timidly. She did not lift her dark head from her task. The old abandoned farmhouse needed cleaning before they were to bed down. Luckily they had found some old moth eaten blankets, to go with their miner's lantern and fancy smelling candle sticks. Their bellies were full of beans from the cans in the cupboard. A rich and fine meal in such a foreign place. The witch quite liked them.

She had forgotten how hard it was to perform magic in this time and place, having only travelled here on a whim as a girl. She hadn't liked the smell of the polluted air, the loudness of electricity or how fast paced the society seemed to be. Already she was missing her cottage and the simplicity of mind-willed magic. This heavy atmosphere would require props and potions and rituals to preform any powerful spells without killing herself.

And it was the last place anyone would ever look for her or the child.

The child had finished sweeping the warped wooden floor. She had uttered no protest, had been obedient and quiet the whole while. Her head stayed bowed and she never ever looked directly at the witch. Her skin, as pale as snow indeed, looked unhealthy, pasty and molted with dark bruises. She was short for her age, and skinny. The kind of skinny one saw on a beggar child in the streets, not the daughter of the king. Her ebony hair was unbrushed and filthy, as were her clothing.

Who has been neglecting this child?

The witch couldn't answer the young girls question. Mostly because she didn't know the true answer herself, she had been acting on instinct. She had sensed the dark heart of the Queen and her evil intent towards the child. Instead of fighting, the witch had taken the girl until she could develop better and less bloody plan of action.

Now they were in Iowa. In the future. A magicless and empty land. The witch didn't know how long they would have to stay here. She hoped it wouldn't be long.

"There is no running water in the house, we will have to bathe in the creek." The witch said kindly.

"Outside?" The child asked. "In the dark?"

"It will not be that bad." The witch assured her.

"But there are trolls out there." It was the first time the girl showed signs of protest. But not the first signs of fear.

"There are no trolls in this land." The witch said. "There are dangers, yes, but here things are... different."

The child squinted her blue eyes at the witch, not for one second believing it wasn't dangerous outside.

"I will not let anything happen to you. You have my word." The witch was surprised by how much truth she felt in her own words. Barely a few hours had gone by and already she wanted to protect the child. Not just because of the Queen's intent, but because the girl was so sweet and trusting.

Later after they were mostly clean and clothed in the more modern garb she had pilfered along the way, a sweet yellow sundress with blue polka dots for the girl and a smart pair of gray trousers with a white blouse for her, the witch began questioning the child as she finger brushed her hair.

"Do you know why the Queen wanted to hurt you?" Ok, maybe she should've started out with something less... gruesome. The child's eyes were round with fright, staring back at her.

"What's you name child," though she already knew. The witch resigned herself to reigning in her usual nature.

"Snow." The meek little voice said.

"Snow. That's a pretty name. "Very... climatic." The child said nothing in response, there was no laughter. The witch vowed to change that. "My name is not that pretty and it's hard to pronounce. Most people call me The Witch, or Witch woman. But we can't do that here. So you can call me... Gerty."

The name her Oma had called her.

"I like that name." Snow smiled at her sweetly.

"Thank you. How old are you Snow?" The witch remembered the time of her birth, both joyous and forlorn, for the kings wife had died bringing Snow into the world. Only the witch could not remember how long it had been.

"Ten summers."

Most definitely too small for her age. This would not do at all.

"Can you guess why we've come here?" She asked Snow.

The little girl shook her head. But then she turned around in the witches lap. "The Queen wanted to hurt me?" She asked but the witch could tell, she already knew.

"The Queen is a vain and jealous creature. With your father gone, you are the true heir to the throne. She wants to rule instead."

"Then let her. She has always taken everything she's ever wanted. This too she can have." Venom from such a sweet little girl was unnatural. Bitterness mixed with no little amount of fear.

"She will not rest until she gets what she wants. She wants you dead." There was no use sugar coating the truth. The child was fully aware.

"But you took me here. Can she find me here?"

"It will be very difficult. We have to be careful. Magic is easily detected and not allowed. Not truly. If people found out I was a witch, it could be even worse if the Queen found us. That is why we are in this place. The Queen would not think to look here. Hopefully."

"Why do you care?" The child did not ask hatefully, merely out of pure curiosity and the witch felt an ease in her heart. The child was showing signs of personality, of comfort around the witch.

"No one deserves to be treated this way." It was the only answer she had.

They slept soon after. The next morning the witch decided to head east. She remembered the beaches to the east,  
How wild and untamed they were in the North. She also decided Snow needed a new name.

"You get to pick, but it has to be something you like and remember."

The child chewed on her berry red lips thoughtfully.

"Can I think about it?"

"Of course. But you mustn't tell anyone your real name."

"I won't."

It wasn't until the next day, they were in a hotel room. Gerty had introduced the child to television and hoped she wouldn't regret it.

"I like the name Darcy." The child piped up randomly. Gerty had noticed she tended to do that when they were alone. On the bus she had barely eeped out a word, but when they were by themselves she was quite chatty.

Gerty looked to the television to watch people in strange fashion dancing. She sat on the bed to get a better view.

"Which one is Darcy?" Gerty asked.

"That one!" Snow ran to the picture box. She pointed at a man with a sour face. "He looks like Papa."

Ah. Well then.

"Do you think you would like to have that name?" Gerty asked carefully.

"Oh yes!" The child jumped up onto the bed and into Gerty's lap. "Very much indeed." 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is told some #truths. He doesn't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where I try to be subtle and clever but only end up beating you over the head with exposition.

To say the atmosphere was dark, would be a gross understatement. It might've been his sunglasses, worn inside the wooden contraption. A gypsy trailer in the middle of Fremont Street, shaped as a wagon, gilt sparkling at the edges like a frame.

He had just turned 20 and had obtained the most niftiest of fake ID's. Bored with himself and with tinkering, he flew himself and a couple of buddies out to Vegas. He did not bring Rhodey, the hum drummie. He would've party pooped all over their good time.

Drunk and wanting to escape the flashing lights for a moment, the boys decided a fortune teller was just the thing. Tony didn't believe in sooth sayers but he also didn't believe in being left out. Which the old woman was making motions to do, trying to deny him his fortune when it came his turn. He demanded to know why.

"What has been seen cannot be unseen. What has been heard cannot be unheard. I do not wish to tell you."

"I will pay double."

"I do not wish for your money. This is not a game." Her lips thinned unattractively, her wrinkled skin pinched into a frown. "Madam Toshi suggests you leave."

"That's a pretty great hook. Triple then. And let's hear it. No more pussy footing around."

"You will not wish to hear it." His balls drew up when she smiled at him, rotten teeth and all.

"Do I have to sign a waver? Geez I just came to know my future. Now. Spill the beans like you did for my friends. I want to know all of the riches and glamour and love headed my way."

"A plan has been set in motion that you cannot stop. Your parents will die within the year."

"That's funny. Who paid you to say that?" He was not amused.

"No money has exchanged hands. A betrayal, someone close you have always trusted though it won't be the one you suspect. Your future holds much pain and sadness. You will come close to death many many times. You will even welcome it. But it will not come."

"Well that is bleak." He started to rise and pull out his wallet.

"There is hope. A beauty which is only outmatched by her kindness. She will come when she is least wanted but!" The old woman reached out with paper thin skin and ancient rings. Her eyes were coal black fire. Her mouth, painted red, grinned at him with no real humor.

"You must accept her as she is. If you turn from her... I cannot tell you the consequences. She is very important, not only to your happiness and health but to a great many others. The girl, skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, hair as dark as ebony, will bring you love that can outshine the moon in the night, the stars in the sky. This is your future. Your destiny. You will remain rich, you will create many things to help the world, but your love for her will be your greatest accomplishment."

"So, what your saying is, I'm gonna marry a Disney Princess? Score." He was ready to go. There was not enough alcohol in Nevada to wash away the image of the old woman's black eyes full of smoke.

"You're jesting nature aside... you will also be a great hero."

He scoffed at that and paid then booked it out of there. It wasn't until much later when he was back into the hotel suite that he called his parents. It wasn't that he believed the gypsy, it was just his nature.

"Tony why are you calling me from Las Vegas. Are you in trouble. We don't know anyone in the mob out there. I'm afraid we can't bail you out this time."

"Good old Dad. Always having my back." He hung up the phone and watched the sun rise from the window with a bottle of scotch two thirds empty dangling from his fingers.

The gypsy was wrong. His parents were fine because it was all a lie. The reason he knew this? He would never be a hero.

  
*******

"Gerty," Darcy's timid voice called out from the living room. She was in front of the television again. Gerty hadn't yet started to regret showing it to her because the little girl loved to do her chores. She made it a game and sang silly songs as she swept or scrubbed the dishes. Gerty had never know of a child who willingly made their bed in the morning, but her little princess did.

"Why do they use my name? How do they know of me when I haven't told anyone my name?" She was watching a cartoon, with a dark haired girl and seven short men.

A good sound question. A hard one to answer. How do you explain the intricacies of time hopping and alternate dimensions. The excuse of "magic" only went so far. Darcy was a smart girl. She wouldn't settle for a lame ducked answer.

"Well, little dove, that is something I will explain to you in the future." Or never. Gerty was OK with not ever trying to fumble her way through that conversation. Darcy squinted her sapphire eyes. Gerty was beginning to suspect the girl might need spectacles. They would get her a really smart pair, with jewels on the rims. Like a tiara for the face!

"Don't think I won't remember." Little Darcy sassed. To which, Gerty could only respond with a sound tickling and chocolate ice cream for dinner. Ok, so maybe she wasn't the best with nutritional meals for her little girl. But Ice cream!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toshi = Mirror reflection.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor finds out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere I hit fast forward on this slow build.

Darcy Lewis was pretty sure her Auntie was going to blow a gasket.

"Gerty!!! You came to visit! This is my boss Jane. And that's Doctor Selvig! They're both super smarty pants!"

"Where is he?"

"Where is who, Auntie?"

"Where is Thor. Where is the fallen Prince and his crazy little Jotun brother?"

"Oh. Yeah. Can't talk about that. Had all these forms to sign from the government. They might not even let me keep my college credits!!! And they stole my IPod." She exclaimed loudly to Jane's displeasure. None of these things distracted her Auntie.

"I will speak with the Asgardian." Gerty's powers had always been subtle to Darcy. Now they danced upon her freckled skin like the electricity of Mew Mew.

"Yeah, uh. Can't. They went back up the rainbow bridge this morning. Don't know when they'll be back." Darcy glanced at Jane. "Or if." She said quietly. Poor Jane!

"This is not good, you do understand that." Gerty looked scared. Darcy hadn't seen her look scared since Darcy's first day of school.

"What is it?" Darcy grabbed her Aunties hand and pet the back of it.

"Loki's opened the door. He's made ripples. She will take notice. Her mirror... " Her Auntie trailed off with a full body shudder. "We will have to take precautions."

"Yes Gerty, that sounds smart. Let's do that. What do you need me to do?"

It wasn't until years later, after the Chitari Invasion and the dark elves. Darcy thought maybe they should've expanded the spell a little bit. She did not bring this up in any conversation. Gerty had gotten... weird

Even Jane was showing signs of concern.

"You're Aunt is outside. She looks upset." That Jane, the epitome of understatement. Gerty actually looked like she was at her wits end. This from the woman who came home to a house full of liberated frogs when Darcy was in the ninth grade. She hadn't batted an eyelash. Now she looked frazzled and harried.

She stormed inside Jane's mom's apartment, energy crackling and frizzing her hair. Thor stood up abruptly, placing Jane behind him. He beckoned for Darcy to join her. She shook her head at him, bewildered. His usually smiling face, scowled.

"Witch. You are out of time and place. Last I saw you..."

"Never mind that now, Prince Thor. There is a great danger coming. I do not know if I could stop it on my own. The Ether is sending me strange signals." Gerty's voice was deeper than normal.

"I have never known you to doubt your abilities." He stated, confounded. His blond head cocked to the side. Darcy thought he looked like an adorable puppy.

"Yes, well, we have both grown wiser on this Earth." Gerty shrugged.

"Indeed." He agreed. "What ill has befallen the Great Witch? How may I be of service?" His entire demeanor was that of respect and servitude. To her Auntie?

"My charge is in danger. She must be kept safe. I will not see harm come to her. There are too many variables now for me to see clearly. It is hard to do on this Earth. The magic... does not want to cooperate." Gerty was pacing and that pacing was making Thor edgy. Darcy watched with amazement while he resisted the urge to order her Auntie to sit down.

"Where is your charge? We will protect her. The Avengers are mighty, I'm sure they will not mind this mission." He held his fist out in oath.

Gerty looked at him strangely then gestured to Darcy. Oh damn. That's right. She smiled weakly at Thor, waved her hand down by her waist. She wouldn't have said his jaw dropped open. Not like Jane's did. But his face got all scrunched up and she didn't like when he bowed to her. "Snow White" Gerty introduced her.

"The lost princess. I can see that now." He had a meaty hand over his heart. Yeah, totally uncalled for.

"Gerty, make him stop." Darcy said before she thought about it.

"Princess?" Jane squeaked. "My intern is a princess?"

"Yes Jane, she is the lost princess, stolen..."

"Rescued." Darcy piped up before Gerty could get mad.

"After her father died."

"My stepmom was kinda evil." Darcy told Jane.

"Abusive and power hungry." Gerty muttered. Yeah, like Darcy said, evil.

"This was hundreds of years ago." Thor stated.

"Oh my gawd, are you immortal too?" Jane cried out. She still hadn't come to terms with the fact that her boyfriend was thousands of years old.

"No!" Darcy assured her then glared at her Auntie when she said "I am."

"Not helping." Gerty shrugged. No skin off her nose. To Thor she said:

"Time hop." Like that explained anything at all. To Jane it was like manna from the skies. She began grilling Gerty, having been totally unaware of the woman on her previous visits. Darcy laughed at her overwhelmed Auntie.

"I've always considered you an equal, in battle and temperament. Now I know it to be true, Princess."

"That means nothing, Thor, even when I lived in a castle and had a title I was nothing but a servant. Also, let's try to keep this on the DL. Trying to stay incognito here."

"Ah. Yes." He winked at here. "But you are wrong, dear Darcy, you are a noble woman, title or no."

That damn sweet man. Darcy couldn't find any words so she punched him on one massively muscled shoulder. He did her a solid by pretending she hurt him. Then he laughed uproariously when she blew on her knuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is enjoying this. I hope it's not dragging on or too far fetched.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony meets Darcy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if this flows well at all. I did marathon Iron man last night and have decided time line means nothing to me! Ooooohhhhh aaaaahhhh! I've created my own parallel universe. So AU is a new tag. Ha! Who am I kidding. It should've always been a tag.

Tony hadn't remembered that drunken afternoon in the gypsy's wagon until well after Pepper had been injected with the Extremis. He had truly loved Pepper. She was perfect. Pretty. Kind. Capable. Soft spoken with more than her own backbone of Iron. She would've made a great Iron Maiden if she hadn't have hated the suits so much. In the end it's what drove her away. To Japan of all places.

Now he was alone. And the old woman had been right. His parents had died. Stane had betrayed him. He wished for death many times and yes, somehow billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist had become an actual facts hero. Even Cap couldn't dispute that. Tony knew it didn't make sense but there it was. Only, where was his princess? He had been with royalty before, most notable the bendy duchess, even a few minor princesses, from itty bitty countries. But none the way the creepy old woman had described.

He wondered about Pepper and her pretty red hair. Titian red. And soft to the touch, not that she let him play with it when he had a mind. She said the callouses on his hands snagged. Then he thought about the bevy of other girls, blondes mostly, except for Maya and a few others. Not a one of them ticking the Princess column. Except Pepper.

Why couldn't it be Pepper? He loved her. He made the grand gestures for her and he tried to change. Tried to be better. That had to count for something? Hell, he even went under the knife for her. For him too but mostly for her.

Tony was fully aware he'd spent the majority of his life trying to be better for someone else, even himself, and failed miserably. He failed his father, he failed Yinsen. He failed Pepper. He couldn't give up the suits. Couldn't walk away from Avenging. He had finally found something that filled the void right next to the arc reactor in his chest. Well, where it used to be. Regardless, he's referring to his heart.

Cap couldn't understand. No one really could. Most people had grown up wanting to help other people. They wanted to be firemen or cops or teachers. That's the ideal anyway. Tony had grown up with the soul determination to please his father and when that hadn't worked... he worked really hard trying to forget that ache. Scotch helped as well as Oohing and awing and accolades.

Being Ironman helped him just as much as he helped others. Which was why the gypsy woman was wrong. And Cap had been right. He couldn't be a true hero unless he could be selfless, a word not in his vocabulary. So there was no princess for Tony Stark. No prize after all the heartache and pain. Just rock and roll and Glenlivet 12.

Which was why, when he stepped off the elevator on the floor the Avengers used for downtime, he was flabbergasted to see Her right there. Dark hair tucked under a red beanie. Pale skin over strong cheek bones, the reddest of lips pulled up into an infectious grin. She was short which was convenient and curvy which was... alluring.

Oh no. This was unacceptable! She wasn't real, she couldn't be! A fictional Disney Princess in his Tower! Nope! Nuh-uh! He wasn't having it. Here he was trying to feel sorry for himself, morose, fresh from the break-up with Pepper.

He didn't need to deal with this shit.

She was standing next to Thor in all his regalia, and a pretty little brunette he assumed was Thor's Jane. There was also a freckle face young woman with the sourest of expressions. Aha! Another person who found him lacking. How familiar.

There were actually quite a few people in the common area. Tony wondered, not for the first time, why he thought it would be a good idea to invite them all to stay.

"What do you mean she's in danger?" Tony blurted out completely unaware he had been listening. Honestly it had all been "blah blah blah, witch. Blah blah, sacrifice, blah blah blah time travel. Blah the girl is in danger."

All eyes turned toward Tony. He'd never been one to wilt under attention.

"Who are these people and why are they in my Tower?" He strut towards the bar for liquid refreshment not made of green goop. And it certainly wasn't water.

"Mr. Stark, Thor has brought his friends. Jane Foster, astrophysicist. Darcy Lewis, her intern. And Gerty Lewis, Darcy's Aunt." Ah Cap. So helpful. "Thor says Darcy's step mother is trying to kill her."

Ok, so her name wasn't Snow White. And there were no dwarves running around with precious gems. Plus, if he remembered correctly, the prince didn't see her until after she died. Hmmm. Tony once again denounced the gypsy.

"Thor thinks we should protect her." The Black Widow said near his elbow. She was looking at him with one raised eyebrow. He wasn't sure if she was seeking permission or giving him an order.

"Awesome." Clint pipped up.

"Clint, get out of the ceiling." Tony demanded. Honestly. Circus performers.

Purple skinny jeans swung out of the vent, followed by a purple clad torso and bare bulging arms. Clint didn't have his bow on him as far as Tony could tell. Progress. "You don't understand, this chick is awesome. She was in New Mexico when Thor came down. I've seen her flip a man twice her size after drinking her body weight in tequila. Nat, remember? She's the one who made that vein in Coulson's head nearly explode. I don't know how she hacked his phone, but it was epic."

The Black Widow was frowning fondly. Never a good sign.

The girl, Darcy, was looking sheepish and cringing away from the ire of her Aunt. The woman looked less than pleased.

"What? It was a stressful week. Murder death bot and all?" Darcy tried to defend herself.

"She also saved all the animals from the shelter." Jane said proudly.

"I miss Baker." Darcy said, sad faced. The woman, Gerty, patted her hand soothingly.

"She felled me with lightening from a box." Thor supplied.

"What?" Cap asked, looking at her like she was some kind of threat.

"It's called and taser." Darcy corrected, with dimples in her damn cheeks.

"Nice tangent," Tony commented "I'm pretty fond of them myself. What I don't understand is why this is a problem for the Avengers?"

The girl looked shocked and then hurt. He watched her expressive face shutter closed. The pit of his stomach opened up.

"Don't listen to him. She'll be safe here." Bruce piped up from the couch where he'd been trying to read before all the commotion. Thanks a lot Brucey. "As long as she doesn't mind being around the Hulk." Oh dear. Now she had to stay. Tony would make sure of it. Nobody talked about Bruce that way. Not even Bruce.

"Oh dear." The woman Gerty said, out loud, echoing his thoughts, only she looked resigned.

"You're the Hulk? Oh gawd this is awesome!" Clint high-fived Darcy. How were there two of them? Darcy bounced over to the sectional, vaulting the back with and "umph!"

"You're my favorite! I have all the merch, ok, so there isn't that much. But seriously, dude, you're the best."

"You have Hulk merchandise?" He questioned, eyebrows in his hairline.

"No! Bruce Banner Merch. Like I said there's not a lot of it. But I totally sleep on a pillow with your face on it. And that green tea shampoo was bomb! I don't think they make it anymore but I kept the bottle."

Bruce turned bright red with embarrassed pleasure. "Why would you have that?"

"Because, you always come back. You always make the choice to fight, even though you aren't trained, and you don't have anything to prove. Hulk doesn't make that choice. You do."

Tony couldn't see Bruce's face anymore having hung his head. But Darcy, her eyes were so large, like liquid pools of sincerity behind her horn rimmed glasses. Tony had to turn away, uncomfortable and little jealous.

"So it is settled then," Thor clapped his hands decidedly. "The p... Lady Darcy will stay here."

It wasn't settled but it looked like Tony was being railroaded. He wasn't protesting so much as resisting. It was his building after all, he should get a say in who stayed or who goes.

"What about Gerty?" Darcy leaned over the back of the couch, hands out stretched.

The woman went to her and clasped both her hands. "I'm afraid I cannot stay little dove. She will be able to sense me."

"You don't even know if she's really coming. Just some weirdo sixth sense thing. I don't like this. I don't want you to leave."

"I cannot stay." Her voice was firm and Tony winced when tears welled up in the girl's eyes.

"I love you." Naked emotion was contaminating his Tower. Unacceptable!

"I love you too." Gerty cupped a tear streaked cheek and then with a pop, disappeared.

That was new.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy gets a haircut... kinda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes. Once again, writing instead of sleeping. Kudos and comments are my fuel!

"Tony, are you creepin' on the new neighbor."

"Your new neighbor. I live in the penthouse" he didn't bother to deny it. Clint had a good view from the vent grate.

"Lofty."

"Get out of the ceiling."

"It's cozy up here." Clint mumbled but then deftly swung down.

"It's a bad habit." Tony admonished. He wanted the archer to feel comfortable enough not to hide in the vents. But he couldn't just say it.

"No worse than spying on Darcy."

Again he couldn't deny it. She was just... fascinating, really. He couldn't explain it and wasn't planning on stopping either.

"What are you doing here?" He wasn't being defensive or even very interested. Darcy was baking. Cookies. With the newly deprogrammed Winter Soldier. He was surprised to see Barnes up and about. Cap had growing concerns about the man's sleeping habits. The man wasn't sleepy now. No, in fact, he was attentively paying attention to every word from Darcy's red painted mouth.

She was barefoot but she was wearing a pair of high waisted yellow shorts with pleats and a blue halter top that did nothing to hide her... assets. Tony had seen women wearing less but that knowledge did nothing to stop the urge to cover her in one of those ugly wool sweaters, reminiscent of the early nineties.

Barnes seemed to appreciate the outfit, complete with red bow in all that black hair, just as much as Tony. Only he got to be close to her. Got to smell her sugary scent and hear her quick wit.

Tony would join them if he didn't know for a fact she would go running out of the room like it was a Pepsi commercial and Tony was the fire.

She had done so no less than five times.

It was driving him mad.

"Wait, what?" Tony turned from the holographic screen. "What do you mean she wants to leave the Tower?"

"She's been couped up for a couple weeks now and she said she needed a haircut. So Nat said she would take her out. As kind of a spa day. Thor seems pretty reluctant about the whole thing. He thinks this evil queenie chick is here already. But Stevo said she should be safe enough with him and Nat on the ground and me up top. Thought you might want to know and maybe be on call just in case things go tits up."

Clint spoke his language. It was refreshing in a building with two ex Russian stoics, a man out of time, a man from space and Bruce, who spoke science and snark but not hip like he did. Clint was good people.

"Yeah, I'll have the suit ready."

Fat lot of good it did him when, a week later, he was carrying an unconscious and barely breathing Darcy to the hospital wing of the Tower. Bruce was meeting them there, for all his protests about not being "that kind of doctor", he insisted on being the one to look her over. He checked for puncture wounds because consensus had her being find one moment and then she said she felt weird and then she was on the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Tony had seen many heart stopping things in his life and this was right up there, top five at least.

"These scratches on her scalp, do you know how she got them?" He questioned Natash-alie. She looked grim and shook her head.

"The spa employees were all vetted. We planned this for a week, took all the precautions, even cancelled the first outing when one of the stylists mysteriously 'got sick'. I don't understand why this happened." She was looking at Cap. He had a sickly look on his face.

"This shouldn't have happened." He was shaking his head. "I didn't think the threat was real. Who would want to hurt Darcy? She's just so... sweet." He trailed off and that look he got right before he was going to sneeze or do something stupidly heroic came over his face. Uh oh. Cap was mad now. If Tony hadn't been so worried, he would've quipped something clever but he found himself at a loss for words.

Bruce swabbed the wounds on Darcy's head. "I'll take this to the lab. Are you going to be watching surveillance?"

"Of course." Tony assured him. No need to tell him he already was inside the suit.

It looked like a glitch in the feed. Barely a second of data. He had Jarvis clean it up then slow it down. Tony threw it onto the holopad when he realized what he was seeing.

The Queen was beautiful, in that strong bone structured, tall, Nordic blonde kind of way. She looked like a distant relation to Thor. If Thor were evil and had malice in his veins. Her smile was cruel and her eyes were void of any real human emotion. She held a silver comb and laughed when she raked it down the back of Darcy's head. She was gone before Darcy could cry out. His princess stood, looking around and then collapsed. Barely ten second later, but what felt like so much more, Tony was there, scooping her off the ground.

"It's atropa belladonna." Bruce informed him from the doorway to the lab. "It's not harmless but it won't kill her. She'll be uncomfortable for a few days."

"You do good work, Brucie."

"She's awake if you want to go talk to her."

"I'm good. I got this thing and that thing. Busy busy bee."

"She's asking for you."

Well, that changes things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by the film theorist on the YouTube.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the plot revolves around candy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spent the whole day feeling off and not wanting to anything productive. Not sure if this is productive to the story or procrastinating the dirty dishes.

The man who hated her, had saved her life. Ok, so Darcy wasn't absolutely sure he hated her but... she was pretty sure she was picking up some pretty heavy context clues. Like how he was always frowning at her. And how he never spoke directly to her. And how he didn't want her there in the first place. She wouldn't forget anytime soon how he sounded when he asked how it was an "avenger " problem.

Derisive. He was mocking and rude. And stupidly handsome. Even with the unfortunate facial hair. Darcy did her best to stay out of his way.

Now he was in her room, back in Thor and Jane's apartment. The lighting was low which was for the best so she couldn't see his dumb face. He paused at the door for the briefest of seconds before he strolled in like he owned the place. Which he did, she guessed.

"You were asking for me?" He was fiddling with her dresser, picking up her perfume bottle, setting it down. Picking up her eyeliner, drumming out a tune. She wondered if he'd ever been diagnosed with ADD. The trend was after his time though, so probably not.

"I wanted to thank you." She didn't think he realized she could see him in the mirror when he rolled his eyes. Or maybe he didn't care.

"A card would've sufficed."

"You're right. What was I thinking?" Wow was she regretting this.

"What's this?" He was holding up her candy stash basket, the emergency one she'd hidden under her Culver sweatshirt.

"Gimme!" She made grabbie hands at him. Because she wanted chocolate and because she didn't want his grubby hands on it.

"No. What is this?" He held up her weakness. Green tea KitKats. With Hulk's face. It was the last one. She watched in horror as he ripped open the packet, popped it in his mouth, then spit it out. "That's disgusting!"

"You bastard! That was the last one! I waited like six weeks for that!"

"You waited six weeks to eat a piece of candy?"

"No jackass! I ordered those from Japan, it took six weeks for the pack to get to Jane's mom's apartment."

"That's a ridiculous amount of time to wait." He sounded like it was a personal insult.

"Free shipping." She said through grinding teeth.

"You waited six weeks because of free shipping?" Again he looked insulted.

"Not all of use have unlimited funds."

He looked amused at that. "No, they don't."

"Wow, I didn't think it was possible but your ego just got bigger."

"On that note, I wouldn't say it's been a... pleasure, I bid you ado!"

"Fuck you Ironass!"

Thor popped his shiny blonde head into her room. He wasn't frowning but she could tell he wanted to. "Dr. Banner suggested rest Lady Darcy."

"Ugh! Fine! But... candy thief here is an aggravating ass!"

"Yep. I'm out." Tony said. His only redeeming action, dropping the basket of candy in her lap.

"Stark is a complicated person." Thor told her gently. "But he is a prince among men."

"I love how you try to see the good in everybody, but you're not going to convince me on this." She told him with hands in her lap. "He hates me anyway so it doesn't matter."

"He does not hate you!" Thor denied, fully shaking his head.

"Beg to differ." She muttered. Then in a very sure yet trembling voice, "I know what hate looks like. I know when I'm not wanted. I might've been a child but I still remember. And now... now she's back to finally get rid of me."

So she wasn't dealing very well, sue her. She flinched when he wiped at her cheek, not knowing she'd shed any tears.

"I assure you, Princess, I will make her regret her actions."

"That's like the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me." Then she sobbed on his godly chest until Jane came in.

"Take out is ready. You want to eat in here Darce?" Jane's voice was soft and kind and Darcy told her "no."

"What was that? I'm sorry. I don't speak mumble."

"You're impossible!" She cried out throwing a pillow. Thor, used to their antics, smiled indulgently. His Jane always knew how to cheer her friend up.

"Thor! I require piggybacking!"

*****

It was nearly midnight the next night. Darcy was on the roof for some air. The wind was as wild as the cliffs outside their cottage in Maine, when they had first come to this timeline but before Gerty decided she didn't like the cold winters. Darcy loved the rushing current. How it could consume her thoughts. She wondered if she could convince Thor to take her on a flight. She'd been looking at body harnesses on Amazon.

Probably not. He was being super protective since the "incident" as Jane was calling it. He hadn't been super excited about her coming out on the roof until she assured him Jarvis would look out for her.

"It would be my pleasure." He had assured Thor in that super sexy British voice. At least Stark made good AI. Until he tried to take over the world. Darcy shuddered, part from cold and part from concern. That was for another time though.

"Miss Lewis," Jarvis interrupted her musings. "Ms. Romanov would like to join you."

"Oh? Ok?"

"I didn't want to intrude."

"No, of course not! I just needed air. I appreciate the company." Darcy assured the spy.

"I come bearing gifts." The Black Widow's face never changed expression. It was disconcerting. She tossed a green package to Darcy. It was heavy and...

"Is this a five pound bag of green tea KitKats?" She sqeeed, unashamed. "Oh my word! This is the best!"

"Courtesy of Tony."

"Wait... what? No way? Are you sure? Don't raise that eyebrow at me, Nat! Why would he do that?"

"I'm... not sure." Darcy had grabbed both her hands and wouldn't let her pull away. Without hurting her.

"That's actually really sweet of him." She sounded puzzled. Then she snorted out a laugh. "That bastard. Well fine. He wants to play games? I'll play games. Here, sit and share this candy with me. And we'll come up with a way to get him back."

"To thank him?" Nat took a packet.

"What? No! He's trying to trick me and I'm not having it!" Darcy yelled out. "We need to come up with a good prank. You're probably really good at that."

"I'm not sure what is happening here. But I'm down for pranking Stark."

"Awesome! How do you feel about glitter?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did this. And they are worth the wait. My sister was flabbergasted that I waited that long. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson joins the gang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my Sister I finally wrote this.

<>

 

That woman was a menace. A grade a, bona fide pain in his ass. This is what he gets for trying to do something nice for someone! This is what he gets for being a big damn hero! He wanted to wring her pale little neck.

"I was unaware you were trying out a new look." Coulson, not dead and highly amused beneath that bland little smile, was mocking him.

"Aren't you suppose to be on some tropical island?" Good job Tony, why don't you put your foot further up your ass. Er... mouth. Whatever. As soon as he said it, he knew that was a low blow.

Coulson didn't seem to take it personally. One could never tell with him though. One minute he was killing a guy with a bag of flour and then next he was debating donuts. Tony had seen the footage, as shitty as it was, he didn't want to get on Coulson's bad side.

"What's up?" Tony was deglittering each piece of Mark 42 by hand. Pink just wasn't his color.

"Fury heard about your new house guest. And the witch. Apparently there is also time traveling?" As if that answered anything at all.

"She's been here a month and he's just now asking questions?"

"He didn't start paying attention until he noticed she had the Avengers wrapped around her finger. There are rumors and glitches in the Matrix."

"I'm not sure if you're joking."

"I can assure you I'm not." Coulson stood unnaturally still and yet, seemed to come off as bland and approachable. He could see why Pepper had gravitated toward the agent.

"What does Fury want to know?" Tony was distancing himself from that train of thought.

"Who she is? What's going on. Who is the threat. Scuttlebutt says magic?"

"Yeah and fairy tales."

"Fairy tales." Coulson repeated, dead pan. "And Darcy "I want my IPod back" Lewis?"

"Listen, this is way outside my pay grade. Why don't you go ask Cap. He will be happy to tell you anything you want to know about the little minx. Or Thor, he seems to know more. And if you see Natashalie or Hawkass, tell them I'm coming for them. They helped her somehow and I will have my revenge."

  
******

  
Coulson left Tony to his task and took the elevator up. He found Darcy in the kitchen of the common floor. She had flour on her nose and an exasperated expression.

"No Barnes! I told you! Gently whip it in. If you just stir it, it'll loose the fluffy! We want the fluffy!"

Barnes gave her a shit eating grin and went back to whipping.

  
"Causing messes again Miss Lewis." Coulson would never admit, upon pain of death, how funny it was when she squeaked. She whirled around at him and glared.

"Oh look Barnes, it's the beginning of the Zombiepocalypse. If I'd've known you were coming I would've had Jarvis order you some brains for dinner. As it stands you'll have to settle for three cheese lasagna."

She had the same look Stark had after his little Tahiti reference. Coulson wondered if their brains were on the same wavelength. It certainty would be interesting to find out. Barnes, for his part never laughed, he was actually yawning in between lazily smiling at Darcy like she was a kitten batting at strings. Coulson had heard about his new affinity towards napping. The captain was greatly distressed.

"Will there be that garlic bread, the kind Barton ate a whole pan of?"

"What do you take me for, an amateur?"

"Of course not, Mz. Lewis."

Dinner was a crowded affaire. There were, in fact, three full pans of garlic bread the size of Thor's fist. And four pans of homemade lasagna. One without any meat products for Banner. There was also a giant bowl of salad, a heaping pile of corn on the cob, and a lone plate of tilapia for Jane, who didn't like tomato sauce.

"Do you cook like this every night?" Coulson asked Darcy.

"Only if we're lucky." Clint muttered under his breath.

"He means good. Only if they've been very good little boys and ghouls." Darcy patted Clint on the head on her way to her seat beside Jane and Natasha.

The food was excellent, the banter... amusing. Seeing Clint unerringly shoot pieces of corn at a blushing Banner... interesting. Watching Darcy and Barnes lazily toss innuendos back and forth to make Steve look like he was about to have a sneezing fit... priceless. Hearing Thor make Jane and occasionally Natasha laugh... an immeasurable gift. Until Stark opened up his mouth and killed it.

"Why are you really here? Don't give me that crap about Fury wanting answers, you're here for something."

"There's been a breach at one of our storage facilities. They've stolen cloaking masks. There is suspicion they will try to infiltrate the Tower."

"They can't." Darcy informed him with an eye roll. "Gerty set up wards."

"Wards?" Coulson asked mirroring Natasha's trademark eyebrow.

"Magical protection." She smirked at him. "It's pretty neat stuff."

"And Gerty is?"

"My Auntie." Darcy said proudly.

"The Great Witch." Thor said with reverence. Coulson swallowed this information with nary a wrinkle to his brow. Witches. Why not?

"The Great Witch is powerful enough to stop any evil doers from entering the Tower?" He asked Thor. Darcy stuck her tongue out at him.

"Of course. Father has gone to her many times if needed. Mother holds her in the highest of esteem. Even Loki would never cross her." Coulson did not miss the way the room quieted at the mention of the God of chaos. Nor did he not miss the way Darcy reached across the table and patted the Thunderer's hand until he eased his mighty grip from the creaking table.

"I see." He said. "Where is she now?" This time it was Natasha showing signs of comforting, pressing her shoulder into Darcy's.

"She is preparing." Thor announced. Darcy looked surprised and then resigned. Barnes snorted angrily then reached behind Natasha to lay his hand on the girl's trembling shoulder. Natasha leaned back in her chair to rest her head against his arm.

"Can you get a message to her?" Coulson did not want to seem too anxious.

"I will try. What is it you wish to say?"

"I've come up with a plan."

"Oh wait? Do I get to be bait? This totally sounds like the part where I get to be bait? Sign me up! This waiting is bullshittaki mushrooms."

"You will not be bait." Natasha said, no nonsense and frowning.

"This seems like a bad idea." Captain Roger's stated.

In fact, all of the Avenger's were emphatically eschewing the idea. Darcy was displeased with all of them. Jane looked displeased with Darcy but wasn't saying anything about his implied plan.

"It's my life, it's my say. If Coulson says bait, then I'm bait. He's a smarty pants, let's here what he has to say!"

"Thank you Mz. Lewis." He turned to the head of the table where Tony and Banner were in deep discussion. "Mr. Stark, how long has it been since you've thrown a party?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are these shots called "gummy bears". Yum. And will be featured in the next chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ball fit for a princess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's crazy how some chapters are a struggle and some can't be typed fast enough. This is not edited. I. Need. Sleep. Hope y'all enjoy!

Tony gave new meaning to the word 'lavish'. Darcy wasn't sure exactly how much money he spent on the party and to be frank, she didn't want to know. Gerty would've called it absurd. Thor said it reminded him of home. Natasha took the opportunity to put Barnes in a tux. Steve, Jane, and Bruce looked uncomfortable. Coulson never changed expression. Clint ate his body weight in gyoza.

For the first time in her life, Darcy felt like an actual facts princess. And she looked like one too.

The dress was pale yellow with hand stitched roses in blue. The skirt was full, a real tulle filled masterpiece. Gerty would have laughed her ass off. They had spent many, many a Halloween flaunting and taunting the Disney Princess costumes. They had made a game of it. But this... this was real. A real ball in a real dress, corset and all. Also a hidden pocket for her taser. The skirt was big, enough to conceal Captain America and the Winter Soldier so Darcy felt safe enough to hide her new, slim, self rechargeable, limited edition Stark designed taser in hot rod red, to match her heels. Well, spit, she was going to have to call of the prank war.

He had presented it to her the night before with a grim look and terse instructions. "This is how it shoots, this button retracts, this is the panic button. Don't lose it." He had stalked off just as abruptly as he had appeared.

Now he was hosting this event, under guise as a charity for the Maria Stark foundation, in the ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria. It looked like a palace. Glittery and gold. Even when her Papa had been alive, before he met Her, Darcy had not felt like a princess. He would call Darcy that of course, but the idea was never cemented in her mind. She had too many adventures to go on and then, after, she had tried to stay as small and as hidden as possible. Even with Gerty, the woman had treated Darcy as her own child. She had laughed with her and loved her and helped her to grow, but she never treated her as if she were a princess.

Darcy wasn't sure if she liked it. She was, however, determined to enjoy the hell out of it. Until the very end.

"Here. Drink this. You look mad. You can't be mad. You look amazing." Jane handed her a drink. A shot, really. It was slightly pink. Eww.

"What is it." Darcy sneered. And sniffed.

"Just drink it biatch." Jane did not like crowds. Or ball gowns. Or using her best friend as a sacrifice. "I'll tell you after."

"Cheers then," they tapped each others glass then the table where they stood.

"Wow! What the fuck is this deliciousness in my mouth?" Darcy exclaimed to the displeasure of someone with an upturned nose and probably millions of dollars.

"I know right? Their called gummy bears and I'm gonna need a gallon of them to get through tonight."

"Same." Darcy agreed.

"Do you think that's wise? Getting drunk?" Natasha appeared at Darcy's elbow with a glass of water and a plate of some sort of fancy meatballs.

"Do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear grumikins? Also, thank you for this dress. I love it! I love it! I love it!" Darcy was already feeling the effects of the shot.

"You're most welcome. And. Honesty always Darcikkns?" Natasha said with saccharine sweetness.

"When she comes for me, and she will." Darcy interrupted Jane's protesting. "I know the story. In the end, I die, and there is no Prince to kiss me awake. Not in this timeline anyway. I'm scared." She whispered the last part then with the biggest smile she could muster, "so I am going to have as much fun as I can, while it lasts, with my best friend, my seven dorks and the guy who kinda maybe hates me."

Natasha looked pissed.

Jane looked heart broken.

Tony interrupted anything they might say.

"Ruining everyone's night minx? Dance with me. I dare you to ruin mine." He swept her away from the two women. Darcy didn't know how to dance. Not really. To Gerty's absolute despair. Her Auntie had tried to teach her many a rainy night. Darcy preferred to have fun while dancing, not counting steps. Tony didn't seem to mind.

"You can stand on my toes if that will help." He whispered in her ear. His goatee tickled her cheek.

For a few moments, Darcy forgot any animosity toward the billionaire. She forgot about how much she missed her Auntie. She ignored that sick gooey pile of dread in her belly. She let Tony lead her around the ballroom, wearing a lavish dress and surrounded by her dear friends. There was extravagant sounds of orchestra music, the tinkling of crystal glassware, and the roar of gaiety. She wouldn't mind at all if these were the last sounds she heard. If his arms were the last thing she felt, warm and secure holding her tight against his body. If the smell of his aftershave, and the taste of fruity liquor were her last sensations, well, things could be worse.

"You're doing your best, I see. How about you turn that frown upside down."

"Promise me something." Even to her own ears she sounded morose.

"Demands, little one, after the stunt you pulled?"

"Please." His brown eyes were mirthful, then slowly faded into seriousness.

"You've only to ask." Wow. She was getting dizzy from the spinning. Yes, it was definitely the spinning and not the way he pulled her closer.

"When it's time," she said slowly, tasting each word. "You won't let them mourn me."

His hand came up to her face, cupped her cheek. He used his thumb to wipe away the wetness under her eye.

"Can't make that promise, minx. I'll mourn you myself."

Angry with herself and with him she tore away. He let her go. She headed to the bar, Jane meeting her there. "Bartender!" She called out. "A round of Gummy Bears! On Tony Starks tab!" The crowd at the bar cheered heartedly. That was more like it.

Two hours later, Darcy had to pee. Badly. Served her right for having so many shots. The line at the bathroom was miraculously absent. She took care of business then found herself unable to get the laces of her dress retied.

"Dammit." This was the pits. Naturally uncoordinated and drunk, she just couldn't reach.

"Here, let me help you." A woman said. She was older, maybe fifty and she looked like it had been a hard, hard life. But she had a pretty smile and kind eyes. Darcy thought she was an angel. It wasn't until they parted ways and her vision went dark that she pondered how much angels and devils could look alike.

*******

Dammit dammit dammit. Was a litany inside of Tony's head. No one had eyes on Darcy. It had been twenty minutes. He was naturally worried. "I'm not fretful, Natashalie, she's missing. How could we lose eyes on her."

"She just in the bathroom." A very drunk Jane slurred against Thor's shoulder.

"Why didn't anyone go with her?"

"Guys!" It was Clint. He sounded not at all like himself. "I found her! She's not breathing."

"Where?" Coulson demanded.

"Northwest corridor."

It was only a moment before they all got there. Clint was preforming CPR. Her pale skin had a bluish tint. Her red lips turning purple. Oh. Hell. No.

With a flick of his wrist, his favorite gauntlet spread out from his cufflink. He lifted her up and tore the binding at her back. Immediately she gasped out, taking in greedy lungfuls of air. She clutched at his shoulders and trembled.

"That's two." She said hoarsely.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I just wanted to see what you were hiding under there. I don't understand why women find it necessary to bind their boobs up so tight. Some men, okay, most men like a more natural look."

"Pig" she muttered against his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I haven't been too on the nose about the seven dorks:)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The movie they're watching is a real movie. It's on Netflix. It's amazing! It's a different telling of beauty and the beasty.

Things were different after the ball. Security was tighter, for one. Darcy assured them Gerty's wards would hold. No one was listening. She tried to use reason.

"Both attacks were outside the Tower. I don't understand why I can't even go down to get coffee."

"Anything you need can be brought to you, Princess." Thor's normally smiling face was made of stone. He stood between her and the elevator, unrelenting. He was driving her mad with this princess bullshit. She tried to get him to stop, to no avail.

"This is crazy! I'm going crazy! I can't stay here forever!"

"The Witch bid me keep you here. I made a vow. I intend to keep it." He remained unmovable.

Barnes provided no sympathy. He laughed right in her face when she asked him to sneak down with her. "Not gonna happen. Come watch 'Beauty and the Beast' with me. It's in French."

"Fine but I want all the peanut butter m&ms."

"Deal, Princess."

"Don't you start that shit with me!" She cried.

"Language." Steve admonished from his place on the couches. He had his face buried in a tablet and a little smirk on his lips.

"Troll." she muttered at him to Bucky's amusement. She thought about throwing her candy at him but that was just wasteful. He would just eat them and continue to watch the security feeds.

Natasha, otherwise know as her waking shadow, joined them shortly after with popcorn and vodka. Good woman that Natasha. Even if she was the worst of the lot. Overprotective was one thing, Darcy had to beg her to wait outside the bathroom these days. Clint was just as bad though, she had to yell at him to stay out of the vent above her rooms at night. He wouldn't relent until she drug a cot into the room for him to sleep on.

Bruce spent most of his time in his labs and well away from her. He was actively avoiding her. She wasn't sure why. Jane shrugged at her when asked. "He got weird when I told him you thought you were going to die. Like mad. He went to containment right after. I don't know Darce, I don't think he likes it when his friends act like they have a death wish. He gets enough of that with Tony."

"I don't have a death wish! I have a prophecy! Or a fairy tale? Whatever! You know the story! I will die! It's been written, and just because Gerty changed things when she took me doesn't mean they won't happen!"

"It doesn't mean they will." Jane said.

Jane just didn't understand.

Coulson did it seemed. Or he wasn't judging her. Either way, she appreciated his calming influence. Even when he was denying her escape.

"Why don't you go check on Tony if you're bored. I'm working."

"I thought you worked in a government basement somewhere."

"You're insults are losing their bite. Maybe you should go see Tony and sharpen them up."

Tony. Yeah, that Tony. A man who could make her see red at the drop of a hat. And had saved her life, twice, in a heroic manner. He was also the man who seemed the least concerned about her. She was so conflicted her head spun to just think of him.

"What is that?" She said unceremoniously upon entering the labs.

"Tanning bed." He threw at her, without looking at her. He was fiddling with some dials, making sure the tubes and wires going into the contraption were hooked up properly.

"I knew you fake and baked! No one who spends most of his time in a lab and another part in a metal suit could be that tan." She accused.

"Not all of use were bless with milky skin, short stack."

"So your jealous and the way to get back at me is to brown yourself in an easy bake oven?"

"I'm perverse like that." He drooled.

"Whatevs, I'm gonna hang out here since I can't go down to get coffee and you have all the good booze."

"Fine. Don't touch anything." He let her mope on the couch. It was leather and comfy and then next thing she knew she was waking up with her legs in his lap. He had his head tilted back. He looked tired even in sleep. She didn't want to wake him, but she did have to pee.

"Take a picture." He startled her. She hadn't been able to tell he was awake.

"Take your shirt off." She retorted. She poked a toe into his abdomen. He squeezed her bare foot before tossing her legs off him, she kept going and landed with an "ooomph".

"Are you hurt?" He looked concerned.

"Only my pride." She assured him.

She left the labs and found Natasha hovering. The woman looked like she was about to start lecturing her about safety protocols again, even though Darcy was unable to leave the actual Tower, when the klaxons went off.

"Holy shit is this a call to assemble? Are there bad guys? Do you have to go change into your catsuit?"

"Please, stay in the Tower! Promise me you won't leave!" Natasha had grabbed her shoulders like she wanted to shake her.

"I promise. Go get 'em tiger!"

It wasn't long after, Darcy found herself alone on the communal floor, staring out into the rain. She did her best not to worry about them. Her brain just wouldn't let go. The timing seemed suspicious.

So did the elevator dinging without anyone disembarking. That surge of hope she had felt when she'd heard it fell flat at her feet like a soggy paper plate. Darcy went to investigate. No one was there. Just a gift basket. Shaped like a tree, with fruit as the leaves. She picked it up and carried it to the kitchen table. It looked delicious. The most beautiful fruit basket she'd ever seen. Like an out of body experience she saw her hand reach for the slice of apple, tasted its tart sweetness.

"I feel strange." She said aloud in the quiet building. Also strange, how she couldn't feel the floor when it rushed up to meet her.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerty comes back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isn't too sappy. But, yeah, also, i made ny sister cry?!

She didn't look dead. She looked peaceful. Beautiful. A vision. After 24 hours in the modified cryochamber in his lab, she looked no worse for wear. Just a pretty girl in a glass coffin. He couldn't tear his eyes away.

They had been lucky he'd gotten it installed in time. Lucky, that Jarvis had been able to wake Jane from her pre-stargazing nap. That she had been able to drag Darcy to the elevator not yet too hysterical to set the sequence on the chamber.

The call to assemble had been a distraction. When they realized there had been no one to fight, no one to save, they raced back to the Tower. Jarvis explained what happened. Bruce took the fruit tree to his lab. The poison was not the same as last time but similar. Only, this time the antidote didn't work.

"You know what you have to do." All the others were asleep. Gerty's voice was a gong in his head.

"You don't think that would actually work, do you?" Even to his own ears his voice sounded hollow.

"I cannot control the way magic works, I can only wield it." Her freckled hand lay on his shoulder. She smelled the same way Thor did after a thunderstorm, crackling electricity.

"And if she doesn't reciprocate? Will it still work?" He asked, puzzled.

"I do not think that will be an issue." She said kindly.

"I love Pepper." Call him stubborn. He just didn't believe in fairytales.

"You loved Pepper. You can grow to love another."

"I'm nobody's prince." He stated.

"You're too hard on yourself. Please, Tony Stark. I need you to try." The woman Thor claimed to be the most powerful of witches, shook with emotion. The power flickered.

He stepped past his sleeping comrades, hesitantly since they could not see him. He reached for the keypad only to be stopped by Barnes' metal hand. He's fallen asleep on a chair where he'd been reading to her. "She can still hear us." He had said quietly. Knowing exactly what it meant to be inside the glass cage.

"I can wake her." Tony told him. With breath held he wait to be released. Barnes stepped back.

The puff of air when he did engaged the lock was cold, freezing actually and her skin, so pure was just as chilling. He pulled her out of the chamber, held her dead weight like a doll.

"Please work." He asked, then kissed her like he'd never kissed a woman before. There was no seduction, no teasing. Just a hard press of his lips to hers as if he were trying to force his essence to give her life. He'd do anything to hear that evil cackle she'd let out after trying to best him. Anything to see those wide blue eyes squint at him in suspicion. He wished for nothing more than for her to be safe and warm.

"Ease up there killer, gonna need you to buy me dinner first."

Holy fuck! That worked! It really worked! Darcy had her arms wrapped around his neck and her red lips were swollen from his kiss. She was smirking at him and he couldn't hold back his laugh or the urge to kiss her again. It was totally different this time, with her actively participating. She was soft and growing warm against him. Until she was being pulled from him. Wait! No! He wanted to cry but couldn't because her Aunt was hugging her tight and all the others were awake and marveling at her recovery.

It wasn't until much later, after everyone had gone to their respective beds and Gerty had teamed up with Coulson to "plan" or as Darcy put it, "ooze sexual tension over discussions of revenge", that Tony had her all to himself again.

"So, you like me." She said, perched on his work table. She was still cold so she wore one of his old MIT sweaters. He wasn't sure where she had found it. It certainty didn't match the Thor print pajama bottoms or the one purple one green socks she wore.

"You like me back." He told her still tinkering with one of his gauntlets.

"You maybe love me." She whispered even though there was no one else in the room but Dum-E.

"Yeah. I do." He admitted with a shrug.

"Samsies!" Darcy cried out then fell forward so he would have to catch her. She crashed her mouth to his in the clumsiest of kisses. Uncoordinated and sloppy and it was the second best kiss of his life, the first only happening hours before after she'd opened her eyes.

He reluctantly pushed her back until she was seated on the table securely and he was standing between her legs.

"This isn't going to be easy. I'm a hard man to love. Just ask anybody."

"I loved you when I thought you hated me." That part of his chest that felt empty even after they sewed him back whole, clenched tight.

"When did you think I hated you? I have been nothing but kind. I got you those ridiculous candies."

"I stopped thinking it when you let me nap on your couch."

"Darcy, that was only two... er... three days ago?"

"Yeah" she shrugged then tried to distract him with another kiss. He wasn't ashamed to admit he let her. When he finally pulled back, admiring her pouty mouth and drugged look, he was fully aware when he asked:

"Marry me?"

She didn't mock him or shy away. "Is that what you want? Or is that what you think needs to happen to protect me?"

"Both." He told her truthfully. "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to keep you safe. I don't care about the story. It's just a story. It will be forgotten or changed or adapted whether we are a part of it or not. Please be my wife and make my life hell... er... more interesting."

"Good save." She smirked, dimples flashing at him in the low light of the lab. "Ok. I'll marry you. But you have to promise me something."

"Hit me with your best shot."

"Don't stop." She said. And then when he cocked his head to the side in confusion, "being Ironman. It's who you are and if you stop..."

"I won't." He said fervently, kissing her hard on the mouth, softly on the cheek and forehead. "I won't. Just don't stop loving me."

"I won't" she repeated. "Now take me to bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Submit you vote for sexy times!?!?!? Ok, I'll be honest, I'm probably gonna write it anyway.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gratuitous smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my attempt to forego kink. I'll make up for it later but enjoy the sweet sweet love making.

They held hands like star crossed lovers up the elevator ride, to the penthouse. She was surprised to see the place was not decked out in chrome. There was an over abundance of white leather. She wondered whose influence made his place so monochromatic. Then decided she didn't really care. He did as she asked and took her to his bed. He didn't ask if she was sure or having second thoughts and she appreciated that more than he would ever know.

Tony was careful with her as he peeled off the sweatshirt, lifted her Black Widow tank top.

"You are not allowed to ever wear this again." He winked at her, unhooking her bra, the cups a replica of Caps shield.

"Just wait til you see my panties." She absolutely loved how impatient he was when he stripped off her pajama bottoms. He knelt before her with his hands on her hips. She laughed when he buried his head in the lace. His breath was hot and moist against her mons.

"I am a hundred percent on board with you having my face right here everyday. With or without the panties."

She could say nothing, only make inarticulate noises when he peeled them down her thighs. He held her steady and spread her legs. His tongue was nothing short of wicked. "Aha!" He said when his tongue flicked roughly against her clit and she bucked midair. He was fucking relentless with his mouth until her knees were quaking and she was afraid she was going to fall down.

"Please... please... please..." she didn't know she was chanting until he popped his head up with a satisfied smile.

"I know what you need, baby."

But he didn't give her what she needed. He spent a ridiculous time playing with her boobs. He licked and plucked and suckled on her nipples until she was mad with it and tugging at his thick dark hair.

"Tony! You're killing me!" She cried out. He was still dressed for Christ sake! "Take this off!" She demanded pulling at his black shirt. He pulled back from her.

"It's a mess under there. Don't worry about it. Let me..."

"I want to feel your skin against my skin. I don't care what it looks like." She tried not to instinctually cover up when his eyes raked over her. She had plenty of flaws herself.

"It's pretty knarly. They did the best they could."

"Tony. Take off the shirt. And the pants. And any underroos you might be wearing."

"Oh you know I'm commando. I don't like restrictions."

"Neither do I and you're hiding the goodies."

"Demanding creature." But he was soon as naked as she. Darcy couldn't help but feel he was the more vulnerable one.

He was right though, it was a mess. Scars from where they had to pull his chest back together. But also, stab wounds and puckered bullet holes and something that looked like a chain wrapped around his side. She couldn't help the water welling in her eyes. She could see how a man who'd spent the majority of his life using his attractiveness to distract from his loneliness would find shame in his scars. She could even partially understand how Pepper would want him to stop being Ironman if only to stop finding more damage to his body. But she could also see how much he put himself through to help others. That pain and these scars and Pepper were his past. She could accept that and those and him because she was damn well going to be his future.

"Kiss me." She commanded. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and flung a bare leg over hers. He was an octopus, wrapping her up to hold close and warm and his drugging kisses suctioning the pleasure to pulse just beneath her skin. His hands were suddenly everywhere. One most noticeably between her thighs.

"You're wet." He whispered against her lips. She could hardly breathe anything but him and she didn't care.

"You're hard." She whispered right back. He was pressed into the softest part of her belly.

"I want to be inside you." He wasn't asking permission. She wasn't entirely sure he was aware he'd said it out loud. She parted her thighs for him. He was longer than she'd thought he'd be for a man of his stature. And thicker. His thrust was sure and steady. She couldn't cry out too lost in the bright stretch of him invading her very core. It was amazing as it was slightly uncomfortable. He felt so very big that the idea stole any other thought from her.

"Fuck." He murmured, his sweaty forehead against hers, his lips on her nose. She liked the way his throat clicked the 'k'. "This so ridiculous. How can you feel so good?"

She whimpered when he pulled out.

"Shhhh. I've got you. It's ok." He soothed. He was slow and steady letting her body get used to his. Then he sped up and she thought he was the most brilliant man in the word.

"Yes. Yes. Yes..." she hissed at him and let him take her where he will. When she broke the first time, he had his thumb on her clit, mashing it down and his cock head was obliterating that spot that even she had trouble finding.

"That's it, Darcy, that's right. You're tightening up, just let it happen. Oh fuck." He clicked the 'k' sound again. She wasn't sure what happened but her body seized up tight enough to stop him from moving and she lost track of time and space.

He waited until she relaxed and then he sighed out reverently "again."

The next time he joined her. Then he collapsed onto her body.

"Tired, old man?" She wasn't tired at all. She felt like she could run a mile. She smacked his taunt ass cheek.

"I just realized I'm old enough to be your father. And there goes all my future erections."

"You're just gonna have to get over that. I have plans for those erections."

"I'm suddenly very afraid." But he was nuzzling into her hair.

"If you fall asleep on me before I can take care of the mess you made, then you're sleeping in the wet spot."

"Oh. Shit." He sounded actually terrified this time.

"Relax, I'm on Gerty's enchanted birth control."

"Huh" he said, this time nuzzling into her boobs. "You'll have to explain to me how that works."

"Pass. Sleep. I need sleep."

"Oh? Did I wear you out?"

Ok so once her heart stopped racing she was actually very tired. It had been a long day. She started out kinda dead and frozen and now she was post coital and engaged.

Tony stopped his teasing and went back to playing with her boobs. She didn't think she was actually going to be able to sleep until he was waking her. He filled her like that lost thing she'd never thought she'd find. She was on top this time... kinda, one leg held behind the knee in his capable mechanic hands while he pushed into her. It wasn't slow but it was gentle and she crested with his name in her cries.

"Are you crying?" He sounded absolutely appalled. He held her head between his palms when she tried to hide from him.

"Shut up, Tony. It was beautiful ok?" Darcy sniffled when he laughed at her but she couldn't be mad because he kissed her nose and then her mouth and then both her cheeks. For the first time in her whole life she was looking forward to the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Gotta be up in 3 hours. Work is gonna be super fun.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quickie wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna miss writing this one.

"Babe," Tony called out. He had his eyes glued to one of his holographic screens that gave her a raging headache.

"Yes, Honeybear?" She asked as sweetly as she could muster. Oh! His face!

"I actually like that one. Stud muffin was just to... how do you say it? On the nose."

"... you had something to say." She was practicing Natasha brow, trademark pending.

"I'm thinking Vegas. I know how you like shiny things and we can catch a cirque du soleil after. One of the risqué ones. I've always thought I'd have a shotgun wedding. This is close enough."

"You're still afraid to ask Gerty?" Amused she went to him. Tony still wouldn't look at her so she laid her head on his shoulder and played with his hair.

"I am not afraid of Gerty." He scoffed. "I'm pretty sure she approves."

"How do you figure?"

"I'm not a smoldering pile of ash."

"Sound reasoning." She agreed. He kissed her for it. Which was when she realized:

"Oh my gawd! You're scared of Thor!" Complete with pointing finger.

"What? No! That's crazy. You aren't even blood related. And ok, so he calls you his shield sister, but that's just honorary. It doesn't mean anything. Gerty is your family. She raised you. I do not need Thor's approval!"

"You have it regardless." Thor said from behind them. Darcy reveled when Tony squeaked. So adorable, her man. "I also think you should make haste for the Queen shall make her move at any moment. 'Tis only a matter of time."

Darcy figured days at most if the Queen stuck to her two week timeline. Was she ready to marry a man she'd thought hated her less than a month ago? Darcy met his chocolate eyes. For such a warm color they had laser focus. He was looking down at her like she was his whole world. She knew that wasn't true no matter how much he loved her. Tony had his kingdom of suits waging war on the bad guys one by one. It was one of the things she loved most about him.

"Are we taking the jet or are you gonna fly us there?"

"Well that depends on how attached you are to your nipples."

Yeah, she totally loved that man.

They took the jet. He did that thing he likes to do when he throws money at people and shit got done. This was a part of him she would never get used to. They got married in a little white chapel only big enough for them, the priest and Gerty, their witness. Darcy cried when Tony slid a diamond on her finger, not because of the hurried nature of the wedding, or the lack of friends and family, but because she was so very happy. He didn't mock her for it.

When they got back, it was going on midnight. It took her a minute to realize what she was seeing. "Where in the world did you get all these roses?"

"Darce, do you know how many flower shoppes there are in Manhattan. A million Darce. One million. And we bought out the lot."

"Why Clinton, you sweet boy." She kissed his cheek, then heckled him when he blushed just as bad as Bruce. The Avengers had taken it upon themselves to throw a party. There was an honest to God wedding cake, as tall as the Cap, spiked frothy punch in a plastic mixing bowl, and roses in every color, thrown haphazardly on every surface. It was the most beautiful thing she ever seen. A hundred times better than any fancy ball.

Which was when everything went to hell.

The tornado of smoke came from nowhere. Darcy wasn't frightened. She was pissed. How dare she ruin this! This was her wedding day! Darcy surged forward to slap the Bain of her existence. Tony caught her arm before she could and place her behind him. It wasn't until Darcy's fingers bit into metal that she realized he was suited up.

"You've crashed the wrong party." He said dangerously before disengaging the suit, stepping out and reengaging the suit around her step mother. It took a matter of seconds. Gerty, in the meantime, took the opportunity to throw unidentified dirt and soot on the suit. She mumbled something that had Thor cringing. Then, the suit took off.

"Is there something in this punch?" Clint asked in the quiet aftermath.

"Yes," Natasha said, handing him another glass.

"I was wondering about the iron thing." Steve said to Bruce and Coulson, both still nursing the strawberry champagne cake.

"Yeah, but isn't she suppose to dance to death?" Clint interjected.

"What the hell are you going on about?" A very drunk Jane asked, she was already laid out on the couch and had missed the little show.

"In the story, Queenie is made to put on fire hot iron shoes bewitched to dance to death." Tony answered.

"Wait, no? That's brutal! Ah! I get it. Ironman suit!" Clint cried out.

"Actually the suits are made from a nickel-titanium alloy."

"Shut up, Tony."

"Rude, Widow, rude."

"Just to clarify." Darcy said, watching her Auntie. "She won't be coming back?"

"No. She will not." Coulson looked pretty damn impressed at the finality in Gerty's voice.

"So happily ever after?" Darcy asked Tony.

"Yeah, babe, that sounds great." He said, resting his lips against her forehead. She didn't even mind when Natasha and Clint cooed in their direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait! Where'd Bucky go.... muahahahaha

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason I was invisioning Charlize Theron as the queen but this is not the huntsman crossover.


End file.
